Saturday, May 24, 2008

Leave childless couples alone

Susie says, KAYA!

Happy Anniversary Kaya!

Here's my take on the challenge. All my friends and relatives know that I wanted to get pregnant for 8 years that I am married, what they didn't know was how i felt and did all these years, I cannot voice it out so I wrote it down on my blog 2 years ago. This challenge is "easy" as I copied my past blog entry. If anyone is going through this challenge, have faith, there is hope.

Symbol: I chose flowers as I know there is hope every time I see a flower blooms.


Journaling reads:
I was married for eight blissful years, I was not giving up hope that one day God will grant me the blessing to have a child. It was a struggle month after month, year after year, I was not just facing the challenges of medical problem, but also have to face real challenges socially, emotionally and psychologically. I had to constantly put up with remarks like,"Still no baby? You are not young anymore." Most often people ask WHY I am not pregnant yet, at the back of my mind, I want to shout, "I don't know, the doctor doesn't know it too." I have heard numerous comments, some of it were below the belt. A religious Aunt asked me if I still know how to pray, oh well, she thinks that not having a baby is God's punishment, and thought that if you pray for something, God is gullible to grant your prayer in a snap. I had never prayed in my life like when I was in TTC (trying to conceive) stage. And the mother of all insensitive questions, "Are you doing it correctly?" It is exasperated answering people that we were working on it.

Childbearing is a personal matter. If you are already a parent, remember that childless couples are happiest when left alone. We do not need you to advise us on childbearing techniques, or know when you intend to have your next baby when we are still struggling for a hit. I DO NOT WANT YOUR SYMPATHY, I NEED YOU TO BE SENSITIVE. Maybe my husband and I had a mission to fulfill to each other, that is why God bless us to have our own time spent together for a longer time, mind you, not having a baby yet after marriage is something, we spend quality time together, travel anytime, anywhere, we can go out at the spur of the moment. I don't envy those who had baby after their marriage.

No family members or friends know about what I have been through, the difficulty we dealt with infertility and childlessness. You can call me desperate who would give anything and everything to have a baby. I had tried for many years but to no avail, I had exhausted the full spectrum of medical science...IUIs, IVFs (note the plurals). IVF is only for the patient and the brave. Patient because the process takes months, and brave not so much because of all the injections you have to undergo, but because the results are not always positive. Your butt and tummy receive enough shots to fill up a connect-the-dots page, not to mention that I always poke at the wrong vein so I ended up with lots of bruises in my tummy. You have to accept and be prepared for the outcome. I've never cried in my life like I did when my treatments failed. IVF drains both your energy and your pocket. We spent a fortune on this. This is the part of my life that has taught me a lot of lessons, how to stand up and try again after each failure. I was holding out for a miracle.

They say if your problem is not having a child, then you are doing well with your life. If I count our blessings, it is overflowing! It is demeaning to complain to God on what I have accomplished, I have a responsible and loving husband, living a comfortable life, nice home, having lived in different countries, money to spend on whatever we need, good health, friends in almost every corner of the world. We cannot ask for more. Having a baby is a bonus for us. I absolutely have no regrets if this was my fate and destiny. I will choose the same path if given the chance, I sound like I am a phony, but that's the truth. If not for TTC, I will not be the same person as I am now - stronger, prayerful, appreciates life to the fullest, and thankful for all the small and big blessings. I had done my best and i leave the rest in God's hands. On the last month that I was ready to give up hope, I became pregnant naturally, all goes well with my pregnany and birth, we now have a happy, healthy, God-fearing baby. People now ask me when will I have baby #2.......oh well.......c'est la vie.

Small stickers text: Winners never quit and quitters never win. No Pain, No gain.

Materials used: MM papers, MM sports stickers, American craft stickers for title and glitter glue. Sketch copied in Becky Fleck PageMaps' book.

About ME:
I'm Susie, 38 years old, living in Hongkong, married for 10 years, with 18-month-old son. Been scrapping since 2002. SAHM with part-time job as a mystery shopper.

12 comments:

the dreamer said...

Hi, Susie. Thank you so much for sharing such a personal and emotional experience with us. I'm super touched you decided to share this in KAYA 13.

Hay naku, I don't know if it's only Pinoys who are naturally pakialamera. My tita says, notice that when Americans greet each on the streets, they just say "hi" or "how are you". Pinoys iba. We greet each other with "Saan ka punta?" Pinoys talaga are natural usiseros. Hehe.

My son is 4 and everyone asks me kelan susundan. When I answer naman na sana girl, they respond with, "Eh depende naman yan kung anong bigay ni Lord di ba?"

Hehe. Sometimes nakakapikon talaga. But you just have to take things in stride, especially when it comes to deeply personal and life-changing decisions. Just always trust yourself and basta naman you know yourself and you trust God, you're good.

Thanks again, Susie! =)

*hugs*
Nina

Nita Ang said...

Being childless for the first 14 years of our marriage, I certainly know where you are coming from. Some people, without intending to be mean, sometimes say the most hurtful things like: "oh, may anak na ba kayo?"; "buntis ka na ba?", "kailan nyo balak magkaanak?".... AAaarrggghhh!!! So tama talaga yang message mong "Leave Childless Couples Alone". Funny, but... is it because we are less sensitive about the issue now na may anak na tayo or is it that the minute we had a child, people have stopped asking the wrong questions? Hmmmnnn.... para kasing wala na akong naaalalang nagtatanong sa akin lately eh.

Alby said...

Hi Susie! Thanks for sharing. I'm in the TTC stage (I learned a new acronym today!) having been married for 7 years. Maybe we should collaborate and come up with a book on the "rude and tactless questions by well-meaning people to TCC couples". Haha. Kidding aside, I'm glad to know I am not alone in this journey. Some people have gone before me and some are in the exact situation I am in now. I was actually debating about this topic or the one I submitted. Maybe next time I will write about this.

And yes, your entry gave me hope. Thanks again for sharing.

Alby said...

Hi Susie! Thanks for sharing. I'm in the TTC stage (I learned a new acronym today!) having been married for 7 years. Maybe we should collaborate and come up with a book on the "rude and tactless questions by well-meaning people to TCC couples". Haha. Kidding aside, I'm glad to know I am not alone in this journey. Some people have gone before me and some are in the exact situation I am in now. I was actually debating about this topic or the one I submitted. Maybe next time I will write about this.

And yes, your entry gave me hope. Thanks again for sharing.

Donna Espiritu said...

susie, alby is not the only one that you gave hope with the story you shared with us through this beautiful layout. ako rin, on the same path right now as you were before...
thanks so much for sharing this tlaga... :)

Ella said...

hi susie... well said. you also gave us hope. we're also in TTC stage and I also get irritated with the comments I'm getting from other people esp. if they are not even close to us! Thanks for sharing!

Susie said...

Hi ladies,

Thanks for your comments.

Just to share what i've done to help me conceive, you might want to give it a try if western medicine can't help anymore. I did acupuncture for 6 months, there is an acupuncturist here who's specialty is infertility.

Went to Farm in Batangas and ate healthy foods for few days, don't know if that helps at all. There was a doctor there who was TTC for a long time and preggy when i saw her. She told me to paste a painting of Birth of Venus in my room, weird suggestion but i will try everything and anything, i downloaded it in the computer and voila, i got preggy after a month! She said another friend also recommended that painting, it's just a symbol but our mind works wonders. Who knows? PM me if you need any other info on what else have i done. Good luck ladies.

Christine said...

Susie, thanks for sharing your story - it is well-written and executed.

pigmentations said...

I just wish people refrain from dipping their noses in other people's businesses. sadly our kind are too friendly to a fault. minsan basta may masabi lang kahit nakakasakit na.

sometimes I snap and say: "bakit ba kayo naiinip? kami nga di naiinip eh (then fake a smile)."

hehehe. bitchy ba. ooopsi, baka mapagalitan ako ni nina. *peace!*

CraftFairy said...

TFS, Susie. I have a niece [actually, DH's] who also took a long time before she conceived. We're here in the US and at parties guess what? Filipinos lang ang nagtatanong ng "O, ano? bakit hindi ka pa buntis?" Very tactless pa kung magtanong. So ang gawa nya, whenever she attends parties or social gatherings, as soon as she steps through the door, she announces, "anyone who has the nerve to ask kung buntis na ako, mabubuhusan ng coke sa ulo!" Eh, di tumahimik sila!

Love your LO. Are those buttons with metal designs? Ganda!

Susie said...

Hi Craftfairy,

These are just ordinary plain chipboard, i color with reddish chalk then paste the metal embellishment.

Au Lim said...

naku i feel you Susie! hindi man sa akin nangyari, my closeness with my bestfriend in the same situation as before make me feel all the heartbreak, frustration and eventual happiness of finding what you seek. so happy for you too!