Monday, May 26, 2008

Let Go

Diane says, KAYA!

This is the hardest challenge that I made for the KAYA challenge. Lagot si Nina sa akin kapag naka luwas ako ng Manila kasi pina iyak nya ako sa paggawa ng LO na ito. :) But coming up to this LO made me realize that it is healthy to be feel this. It is healthy to cry. I also realize that there are a lot of people who still loves me. Specially Jun. And thanks to my scrapbook friends I am slowly letting my feelings out and shared via scrapbooking. I am so happy to belong on this group. Thanks Nina my dear friend for this challenge! I miss you!

Symbol: White and Blue Balloons. I chose the photo from the burial of my son which we let go of the blue and white balloons. Because it symbolizes on how will I let go of the feeling I am keeping inside my heart. It is very hard to let go of a simple flying balloon on that day and that day I think is the same as everyday for me -hard to let go but I need to.

I am not ok right now. You may see a lot of happy posts and pictures of me smiling and laughing on my blogs but you only see the physical side of me. The wound is not completely healed and I think won't be completely healed. And it hurts me a lot. I miss my little darling so much! I still cry every night with out my husband noticing it. Yes I am strong but I just keep my soft side. I hate crying. I hate other people see
me cry. I hate being weak. And this is also what I hate about me. Not letting out what I really feel. The guilt is still here in my heart.The blaming, the scenes in the
hospital, the face of Huey inside the coffin, the crying people surrounding me, the burial and that hurts me a lot. How am I going to let go of this? God help me! 10-03-07

Adobe Photoshop CS2, In My Mommy's Dream Kit by Jofia Devoe at, Worn Photo Overlay by Danielle at, Glittery Alpha by Leora Sanford at, Tape Measure by Tia Bennett, Font: Amaze

I made this LO with Adobe Photoshop CS2 software, Add some drop shadows to make LO pop. Blended the balloon photo on the background. Layering.

About ME:
I am Diane, 24 years old from Bicol, Philippines. I am happily married to Jun for 4 years. Blessed with an angel up in heaven named Huey. He is my inspiration to scrap. I am still on the recovery stage on his passing but I think I am slowly accepting it. I do scrapbooks because of him and I want to continue scrapping for him. I am a paper and digital scrapbooker. I am also a proud owner of Nikon D80 and I am still learning how to use it. I hope to scrap more beautiful photos this time. To know me more and be updated on my life please visit my blogs A handful of Surprises and My Paper Scraps. Thank you so much!


the dreamer said...

Kapatid, wag ka na magalit sa akin. Idea ni Lee yung challenge. Sa lahat ng na-suggest ko, itong topic nagustuhan nya. Kaya sya na lang patayin mo. Hahaha.

Seriously, Diane, I actually feel better when you say that you do cry and you do feel that you're never going to recover from your loss of Huey. (Ayan, naiiyak na din ako.)

I cannot imagine what you went through and I can't imagine pretending to be strong when it's the most painful thing a mother can experience. And, honestly, I don't think it's a wound that needs to be healed. Time may indeed heal the wound but the scar of the pain will always be there.

Kapatid, you know how much I admire you. I admire your strength as a person and your strength as an artist to be able to express yourself so honestly in your work. You are and always will be in my prayers, my beloved friend.

Have faith and just keep praying for strength. Remember the poem of the Footprints in the Sand. When you feel that you don't have the strength, that's when God carries you in His arms.

Love you, Diane. God bless you always.


Alby said...

Hugs to you Diane! I can only imagine how difficult it was and still is for you. And I know it's not easy to share how you really feel so thanks for pouring your heart out into your layout and allowing us to witness your pain through your beautiful work of art. I agree with Nina. Let God bear your pain. Let Him carry you.


diane said...

I am crying right now Nina! You made me cry more!!!! But thank you! Your comment really made me more stronger. Thanks friend! Love you!

diane said...

Thanks din Alby! Thanks from the deepest part of my heart. Mwuah!

barbie said...

Dianne, the sadness you feel and the crying that comes with it is not weakness. That you are able to feel your sadness, cry and yet go on is a sign of your true strength. There are so many of us that admire you for keep it real and are not afraid to know how deeply you have loved, and lost, and yet continue to reach into your inexhaustible supply to continue to love the world and the people around you, and not get jaded and hardened.


Donna Espiritu said...

hi diane dear, nakakainis ka kapatid.. pinaiyak mo ko sa photo pa lang how much more un journaling mo?? pls dont take the blame for what happened to huey..though i may not know what you and your family went through, losing someone you love especially a family member (lalo na son mo pa), is really hard to bear. un guilt feeling di maiiwasan yan, but remember that your son's life (or death) was not in your hands... it was God's will this happened to you..easy to say for me but it's the truth. your friend's encouraging words may sooth you for a while, but still, it soothed your wounded heart :) loveyah!

Susie said...

Diane, naiyak din ako!!! I can't imagine what you've been through, i had miscarriage years ago and i was devastated and blamed myself for what happened, what more iyong situation mo. You're a brave girl! God has a reason for all of this things. Take care. Hugs to you ;-)

Candy said...

Diane, it is often a mystery as to why these things happen to the best of us. I can't pretend to know how you feel since this is something all mothers dread throughout their lives. I salute you for trusting us with your story and your sentiments. Am praying for you and for Huey.

Christine said...

Diane, thank you for sharing this side of yourself. I know it's always been said that God doesn't send us trials we can't handle, but I pray that He will continue to give you the strength to overcome your sorrow and your pain. God bless you.

diane said...

Thank you! thank you so much for those nice words. That is deeply appreciated. I love this group that's why I had the courage to share this LO. I am so glad to find a lot of friends in all of you! Thanks!

Lee i. said...

Diane, at yung mga naunang nag-post sa akin - waaahhh...Pinapaiyak niyo naman ako eh. Diane, hugs to you friend. I don't think anyone expects you to let go so easily of someone who was the center of your life. So it's okey to cry, to be slow in moving on, but never blame yourself. I know you were a loving mom to Huey. Ingat.

the dreamer said...

Diane, thanks so much for writing down the meaning of your personal symbol. Pero naiyak uli ako at reading why you chose blue and white balloons. O sya, hindi na kita papaiyakin. Just sending you a really tight virtual hug.


pigmentations said...

you're a step closer to achieving the title you chose, diane. I always believed that acceptance is what sets a person free.

you're almost there :)

Au Lim said... hurts to even read about this, but in doing so and sharing even a teeny bit of how you feel, i hope it can alleviate your hurt a bit. thanks for sharing such a sensitive side to you through your lovely layout. that teddy bear detail tugs at my heart so much, don't know why...take care, sis.

Freethinker said...

Hi D. I have a confession to make. I purposely didn't read you entry coz I kinda suspected how it will make me feel. Until today, that is. And boy, I feel your pain. In every word and in every detail, it's all there. But you know what, you remind me how to love my girls best esp when they're at their worst behavior (nothing serious naman :-)). But yes, thank you for the strength you shared in this LO. Don't hurry to let go, grief will lessen in time and letting go then would be much easier. But for now, it's okay to grieve, still okay to hold on. He was your dearest first-born and it's perfectly alright to cry, to grieve, to hold on to him. Wish I can hug you right now. In time...

Thank you.